I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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