i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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