Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
