I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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