dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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