Already got asked if we're dating
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
