he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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