She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
