I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
