I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
