I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
