maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
