We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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