good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
