How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
