Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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