Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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