i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
