so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
