Ambien. No doubt about it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
