Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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