At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
