he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
