remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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