I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Randomize
