So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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