How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
