She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
