All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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