Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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