Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
