No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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