i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
