I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
