I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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