I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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