I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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