Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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