So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You ruined the universe
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
