So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
