Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
where are my eyebrows?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
