a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
