apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize