so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
