We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
