i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
