i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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