I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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