Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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