so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
