I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have tasted many bathrooms
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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