Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
