quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
