Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That accounts for only three of the penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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