I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
