Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
