Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
