I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
