Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
