fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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