A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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