so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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