i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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