i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
