shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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