I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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