I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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